Friendships are Flowers
loving roses
delicate apple blossoms
playful daisies
elegant water lilies

at first you don’t see them
seeds underground
one day. a sprout.
so small
so insignificant

a tiny piece
hint of green –
upon the dark –
cold earth

growing taller
growing stronger
each one beautiful
each on unique

so naive 
swaying
blossoming
spectacular

standing strong in storms
wavering side to side
brightly smiling
wonderful
oh so wonderful

so small and unnoticed
so amazing and powerful
different lengths
different pigment

spring green
sunglow yellow
midnight blue
royal purple

growing
year by year
day by day
just growing

one day
it will die
emptiness filling
darkness appearing

one day
a new seed will grow
that flower –
will be –
just as beautiful –
as the last

... sigh

the mood when you are just done with everyone and everything.... yup... really feeling it today

Freshman

poem in english. topic? freshman


Freshman


freshman.
a new beginning 
a new chapter
a page turning
a chapter ending


freshman.
being hurt
being judged
being tolerant
being tolerated


freshman.
good and bad
content and depressed
healing and pain
darkness and light


freshman.
friends of old
friends of new
foes and acquaintances 
work and fun


freshman.
insight and enlightenment
knowledge and insanity




Freshman

today

... one word

AMAZING(:

popular people

something i wrote in engligh for poetry

views, opinions

we all have them

popular

how is it seem

popular people

backstabbing people

darkness in their heart

and plastered smiles on their faces

unloyal and heartbreaking

tears and blood

torture and envied

popular people

what are they?

heartless and dramatic

like a rock and a movie

pain causing and dishonest

such as words and theives

holes in thier heart

darkness in their eyes

smiles of evil

popular people

drowning

tears... 
we all have them. 
we all drown in them...

life...
we all live it. 
we all see it flash before out eyes. 

friends...
we all have them. 
we all lose them...

today... 
i learned that i need to work. 
i learned that i need to step up to the plate...

... but 

havent i been doing that?... 
maybe its not enough...
but you know what?

i will try.
i will try harder then before.
i wont fail you. 
i wont leave you.
i know... i know i cant always be there. 
i know i dont know much about you anymore.


you know i care. 
you know i care so much. 
i never ment to hurt you...
i never ment for us to become like this. 


i am sorry...
i am sorry for all the pain. 
i am sorry for all the suffering. 
i am sorry for all the yelling. 
i am sorry for hurting you. 
...
i am so sorry for drifting away.
i am sorry for becoming like this... i am sorry for everything...



...but.

sorry is just a word isnt it... 
i have to show you how much i care...
i have to show you that i am trying...
i have to show you that i am sorry...

and i will
i promise...
i will make it up to you. 
one day

confused

sigh. 

you see my bestfriend and i have been drifting apart ... so she clamed that i dont talk about my life so why should she?...

so today i wrote in the journal about all the pain i have been going through... 
and she replies.. you are always depressed...
no comfort 
no nothing... 
just that... she just exploded on me with anger... 
i dont understand... maybe she doesnt care... but i know deep down inside she does...
sigh today i walked home cyring... the pain is unimaginable...
my heart hurts so much... i am losing my bestfriend....
sigh... 
high school is stupid

where are you now?

something from a long time ago

friendships are dying, people are lying. what has the world come to? real friends are cry and other are trying to be something that they arent. people being left behind people being hurt here and there. who are your real friends? why are you leaving them behind? they are there for you and now you disappear. the wind is blowing and soon friends will be no longer and people will grow stronger. friend ships are fading into the light of this world. what can we do to stop this?

people wearing masks doing stupid tasks just to try and fit in. people faking smiles when everyone from miles can see that they are happy. real friends see this fake act and it puzzles them greatly. why do we pretend? why do you do such things?

go ahead and fake it. go ahead and leave. go ahead and forget about me. go ahead and use me. but when i leave dont come asking for my friendship. when i leave dont say sorry. the damage is done and there is nothing you can do to fix it. we have drifted apart and now i dont even know who you are.

why do you smile with them but not with me? we were the closest of friends and now its to the point of which we are like enemies. what has happened? i know i changed but you changed more. what once used to be the perfect friendship is not slowly disappearing. i cry and cry for i wish it were like it was before. but now that i am here and i have opened my eyes. i know for a fact that it can no longer be the same. i know now that i was just a friend and nothing more. i was just a person to you and nothing more.

it has now come to the point of which we cant talk. it has come to the point were we cant even walk. one is using the other and now the friendship is done. one is crying on the inside while one is laughing with new friends. now we know who are real friend are. so much for forever. so much for friends. so much for the pain and so much for the tears. now that you leave i can clearly see that you were just using me.

thanks for the memories but i dont need you anymore. i am doing being used and i am done being abused. you said we would never hurt each other but look at what is happening right now. one is pure and innocent and the other is dirty and a liar. so much for friends so much for forever. so much for tomorrow and so much for happiness.

just go hurt the ones you love because one day you will see. it will just be you, and me i will be no where to be found. push me away now. kick me out the door. but once your friends start leaving your heart will start to feel sore. i was there for you in good and bad. and now you just pack up and leave stabbing me in the back. thanks for everything i really did learn something. dont trust anyone. not even the closest of friends.

today

... it went ... well
until like the end of the day
my best friend totally avoided me... but thats okay... she was talking to someone

hmm... i feel like talking to my good friend nick... but... idk... its become to awkward

oh well.. sigh
drifting apart is part of life isnt it... and i will just have to accept that and move on... but its hard to do so... sigh. life as a teenager... not what i wanted

life?

sooo.
life... life for me is more then complicated.
i have no clue what is going on anymore.

its like everything is falling apart and all i can do... all i can do now is just watch.

what more can i do?
no one will listen. no one will take what i say to heart. things are not even close to what they used to be...
sometimes i just wish... i could turn back time and just stay happy you know? sigh things have really changed during high school. people leaving, people coming, people caring, people hating, sigh its getting hard to breath.

you know that song "stand in the rain"... you know... i always though 'no matter how hard life gets... i will always try my hardest. i will always prevail. i will keep my head up and smile'... but now... its getting harder...

i am losing everything that i held so dear. everything... just slipping from my hands... and all i can do... is hold on tighter... sigh i try so hard... i really do... i try to hold on to everything... but its like... they are going against me... its like they dont want me anymore...

and you know what my greatest fear is.... its being alone...
i ... just thinking about it makes me want to cry and scream and just run... i dont want to lose it all... but then again high school is a new beginning... i just never expected to lose everything... i didnt expect this to be so hard... sigh.

life is full of nasty surprises... life is a nasty surprise all in its self...

all i can do is just... keep moving forward... i can just hold on to what i love... and hopefully they stay with me... what more can i do? i am working as hard as i can... when do i get a break?... when do i get to be happy?... when is it my turn to smile?....

one day...
i will get my break... and when that day comes... i will smile from the heart (:
but for now... i will live life just on step at a time... no matter what.

life as we know it

hello there.
samantha is the name. asian is the race.
life is the game
some people call me sammy(:
i have other nicknames... but lets not go there(: lol
soooooo anyway. i am 14... about to turn 15...
life... sigh life
well life is... life...
you know... life of a high schooler (: what more can i say?
well i have just been going through A LOT lately... but i know its going to be okay
for now... this blog is just for me to just let it out you know(: