life?

sooo.
life... life for me is more then complicated.
i have no clue what is going on anymore.

its like everything is falling apart and all i can do... all i can do now is just watch.

what more can i do?
no one will listen. no one will take what i say to heart. things are not even close to what they used to be...
sometimes i just wish... i could turn back time and just stay happy you know? sigh things have really changed during high school. people leaving, people coming, people caring, people hating, sigh its getting hard to breath.

you know that song "stand in the rain"... you know... i always though 'no matter how hard life gets... i will always try my hardest. i will always prevail. i will keep my head up and smile'... but now... its getting harder...

i am losing everything that i held so dear. everything... just slipping from my hands... and all i can do... is hold on tighter... sigh i try so hard... i really do... i try to hold on to everything... but its like... they are going against me... its like they dont want me anymore...

and you know what my greatest fear is.... its being alone...
i ... just thinking about it makes me want to cry and scream and just run... i dont want to lose it all... but then again high school is a new beginning... i just never expected to lose everything... i didnt expect this to be so hard... sigh.

life is full of nasty surprises... life is a nasty surprise all in its self...

all i can do is just... keep moving forward... i can just hold on to what i love... and hopefully they stay with me... what more can i do? i am working as hard as i can... when do i get a break?... when do i get to be happy?... when is it my turn to smile?....

one day...
i will get my break... and when that day comes... i will smile from the heart (:
but for now... i will live life just on step at a time... no matter what.